Tumbling Moments

Oo na, hinde ko kayang magpaka-emo ng matagal. Sorry, tao lang. Kasalanan lahat 'to ni Maldito e. Ganda-ganda ng emote ko biglang nag-post ng mas madrama pang page-emo. Napaisip tuloy ako kung tama lang ba na ilagay ko pa yung huling post ko.

Okay na ako. Buti na lang maraming friendships (at chocolates! Doc Mike, yung ice cream ha?). Buti na lang maraming trabaho...at buti na lang may mga nakakaintindi.

Okay na ako....move forward na habang maaga pa...


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Behind The Mask

He who laughs the loudest, cries the hardest

One thing that I hate about rain is the fact that it increases my tendency to get depressed. Yes, I get depressed easily. With all the tags and lists that I usually post you'd think I'd ran out of things to disclose about myself. But, no! Here I go again ranting (or raving depending on how you see it) about what I feel.

You know what sucks about being in love and not having the right to express it? You want to know so much about your beloved. You want to go around looking for any information about him, any picture, any "print" that he had left behind. And Google makes it much worse because you actually get what you want...and it usually breaks your heart. And that's just what happened to me just now. I relaized that I just simply, simply cannot make him fall in love with me.

One of my not-so-close friends told me that I should be thankful with what I have. Easier said than done! Truth be told, I've oftentimes come to the point where I am willing to give up everything that I have for some semblance of normalcy in my life (and I am actually crying while I'm saying this!). Not that I am ungrateful for everything that God has given me. It's just that, when I think about it, it's what I have that has consistently driven people away. It's what I am and what I have that had most guys thinking I am way over their league (or way below their league as the case maybe).

Stop looking for love? The problem is, I'm not looking. Right now, I'm not. If you enjoy the company of a person so much that you look forward to seeign him every single day without the intention of falling in love with him, would you call that "looking for love"? Because if that's what "looking" means, then consider me guilty. I don't go out on dates, I don't seat at starbucks hoping someone would approach me and get my number, I don't got to bars, I don't do EBs, I don't have chatmates or textmates. And even then I always end up with the wrong guy.

My bestfriend once told me that, for someone to fall in love with me, he has to have a strong personality. He must not be afraid to show how he feels. And he is right. Weird as it may sound, I actually do not like rich, handsome guys (as a crush, maybe). But I do fall in love easily with guys who are not afraid to go against me or to say what they think or feel. Unfortunately, there are not much guys out there who fit the description. And those few who do, usually prefer girls who are the Maria Clara type. I can't be the Maria Clara type. I laugh aloud, I am strong-willed, I say what I feel and think. And I won't change what I am just for someone to love me. This is me, you've got to take me as I am, warts and all.

Every night I cry - for friends who have turned their backs on me, for people who lied about loving me, for people who had played with my feelings, for people who laughed at me for being silly enough to fall in love with them. Every night I cry because I've been told that I'm not pretty enough or smart enough or sexy enough or understanding enough.

Every night I pray for that someone who would love me. I don't need someone rich or famous. I just want someone who will be there no matter what, someone who would see behind the mask, someone who would put all my pieces together. Is that too much to ask?

PS:

No comments for today.

Updated PS:

Wala munang posts. Balik muna ako sa commercial hanggat di nagiging okay takbo ng puso at utak ko :(

Payn! Hinde ko kayang tumahimik...at kelangan ko nang kausap!


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The Johari Window

Sometime ago, I had a heated discussion with a friend about Facebook vs Blog. One of the points raised was how much info do people reveal about themselves and how authentic these infos were which reminded me of the Johari Window.

Nakakatawa how we think we're keeping to ourself pero sa totoo lang, our actions are give-away clues on who we truly are. We project ourselves as strong individuals pero sa totoo, we're so broken inside and that we just need people to like us, care for us, notice us despite our weaknesses and flaws. In the blogosphere (and even in Facebook), we use handles, we hide behind masks, we hide behind blotted-out pictures and yet what we say and how we form our thoughts actually give away who we really are.

So I am starting this experiment (sumagot kayo, datsh an order! nyahahaha) - tag style. So, I'm tagging Winkie, Mon, Lovely, Joyce, Deejay, Doc Mike, Lio, Maldito, at lahat ng naliligaw dito (safeguard konsensya: at nag-tag ka pa e lahat naman pala gusto mo sumagot!). Here's what you're gonna do. List down 10 things that only you know about yourself. Leave empty your list for things you don't know about yourself but other people do. Blog hoppers ought to fill that list (Intiendes?):

10 Things Only I Know About Me (Na Alam Nyo Na Rin Ngayon)

1. Pag masama ang loob ko or depressed ako or galit ako, mahilig ako maglakad
2. Matagal bago ako magalit pero masama akong magalit
3. Sumasakit ulo ko at umaandar ulcer ko pag nakakaramdam ako ng matinding emosyon
4. I have adamantium bones Buto ko ang laging nakakawawa. I have a broken clavicle, 3 fractures on my pelvic bone, scoliosis, osteoporosis and spinal stenosis. I have a weak heart. Ang mga pang-aabuso sa'king buto (fractures) ay dala nang katangahan ng driver ng jeep na sinasakyan ko...akala ata nya mas malaki sya sa bus kaya ayun...binunggo nya
5. Accident prone ako. Nasapak na ako, nabangga ang sinasakyan namin (thank you San Juan De Dios), muntik na akong masagasaan ng 2 Tas Trans na naguunahan, nahulog sa jeep, nakaladkad ng jeep (pesteng high heels!), at nahulog mula sa swivel chair.
6. Madalas akong witness sa holdapan at pandurukot. Minsan na akong sinabihan ng madurukot ng "Pag sumigaw ka, papatayin kita!". Pero hinde nila ako tinangkang dukutan kasi alam nilang pinabili lang ako ng nanay ko ng suka (sa ortigas nga lang).
7. Minsan na rin akong nakipag-agawan ng bag at beeper sa snatcher. (Tapang no, kapayat naman!)
8. Eto hindi obvious talaga kahit sa mga magulang ko ---> favorite subject ko ang algebra at trigonometry
9. Inilalaban ko ng patayan ang mga fwends ko lalo na ang taong mahal ko
10. Makapal ang mukha ko sa mga biglaang kanta sa stage hehehehe

Things Only You Know About Me

O sya, sa comment portion, alipustahin nyo na ako ng todo-todo...now na, bilis! 1...2...3...gow!

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Otso-Otso Na!

Yes, I've succumbed to these darn tags/ lists. I don't mind much though as I like asnwering questions and coming up with lists of mundane things. I got this one from Winkie although she did not actually tag me. Mala-free-for-all ba! So here it goes:

8 Things I Look Forward To

1. Sleep - kulang na kulang ako sa tulog. Mahirap pag sabayin ang freelance work at business lalo na kung ang business mo e kinabibilangan ng 1 empleyado lamang (kids, don't try this at home! nyhahahaha)
2. Harry Potter!
3. Sleep ulit New season of CSI Miami. Memorized ko na yung re-runs e
4. Date with Joycee on Friday. Yehey! Mabibigay ko na yung book. (Commercial: May pa-kontes po si Joycee, daan kayo sa blog nya bago matapos. Nag-sponsor din sya ng prize para sa pakontes ko. Sa mga gustong sumali sa kontes ko, click here). At syempre, ang di matuloy-tuloy na date with Lovely and Winkie.
5. Trip to Malaysia by November (Lord, sana po matapos na ang swine flu para matuloy kami)
6. Matinong lablayp Lunch and Dinner date with my bestfriend
7. GEB ng GTM (oha!) kaso gusto ni deejay next year pa huhuhuhu
8. Release of Diablo III

8 Things I Did Yesterday

Dahil pinag-isipan ko nang matagal 'to at late ko na nai-post, ang pagbabasehan nating date, my dear readers (wow! dami!) ay May 26, 2009. Mahalaga ang date:

1. Umiyak ng 2 oras dahil naalala ko lolo ko.
2. Umiyak ulit ng 2 oras dahil...ah, basta!
3. YM sumbong kay Winkie and Lovely
4. blog hop and commentarization/ reply to commentarization
5. Nag-edit ng mga articles ng mga magigiting kong writers.
6. Nagdasal na sana wag matuloy ang...ah, basta! Problemang pang-TSBC (long story)
7. Sumagot ng sangkaterbang katanungan ukol sa Hiring Smart (attend kayo, lalo na yung mga nasa HR. Bigyan ko kayo 10% discount)
8. Nood ng CSI NY (hinde maaaring mawala sa Tuesday sched. Andun ang boypren ko)

8 Things I Wish I Can Do

1. Give one of my best writers a raise
2. Sleep and eat on time
3. Make him fall in love with me *sigh* (pwede ba'to hanggang number 8 na?)
4. Earn enough so that my father can retire comfortably
5. Make him fall in love with me *sigh*
6. Keep my mother healthy
7. Make him fall in love with me *sigh*
8. Give jobs to all my friends who need a job (ay, DOLE talaga ako)

8 Favorite TV Shows

1. CSI Las Vegas
2. CSI NY
3. CSI Miami
4. House
5. Disney Channel Cartoons (Winkie, pareho tau!) especially Wizards of Waverly Place (I so love Alex), Kim Possible, Totally Spies, Phineas and Ferb
6. Ben 10 (nyahahahahah)
7. Numbers
8. Bones

Okay, whoever wants to do their 8's, you're free to do so (paki ko ba! nyahahaha)


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Psychologist Ka? Pahula Naman O!

Yaan, yaan ang madalas na dialogue sa'min ng mga simpleng mamamayan. Actually, may iba pa tulad ng:

1. Psychologist ka? Sige nga, hulaan mo iniisip ko.
2. Psychologist ka? E bakit malungkot ka?/ E bakit wala kang lablayp?/ E bakit ang gulo mong kausap?
3. Psychologist ka? O sige pagbatiin mo sila
4. Psychologist ka? Palagay mo bading na si (fill in the blanks)?
5. Psychologist ka? Palagay mo, manyak ba si Hayden Kho? (keyword for the week Hayden Kho at Katrina Halili. Dapat merong ganito palagi ang site nyo para madaanan ng bots at nang tumaas ang pagerank)

Owkey! Pers and pormos, tao kami. At tulad ng ibang tao, hinde kami biniyayan ni Papa God ng special powers except kagandahan (pansinin, halos lahat ng Psychology grads ay may itsura kaya kung maghahanap ng jowa, andito ako siguraduhing Psychology graduate). Dahil wala kaming special powers, kahit anong saksak nyo ng palad nyo sa aming pagmumukha ay walang mangyayari. Hinde rin namin kayang ipaalam sa'nyo ang kapalaran nyo sa pamamagitan nang bilang ng bukol sa ulo. Ngunit, subalit, datapwa, kung magpapa-CT scan kayo, maaari naming masabi kung ang iyo bang pagka-baliw ay organic or hinde (dahil ba nahampas ka sa ulo o dahil baliw ka talaga...jowk ung last part! Wag seryosohin).

Ang kursong sikolohiya ay itinuturing na bahagi ng allied sciences ng Medicine. Meaning, pwede mo itong kunin bilang pre-med lalo na kung BS ka (bachelor of science, ano naman yang iniisip mo?!). This goes without saying that, as part of the medical community, utang na loob, hinde namin pwedeng gamutin o i-counsel o i-therapy ang sarili namin much like how a doctor cannot treat him or herself. Hinde rin namin maaaring "gamutin" ang aming mga kaibigan at kamag-anak. At bakit naman? Kasi po, significant others can affect our judgement. In tagalized version, magkakaroon po kami ng biases pag ang inaasist namin ay kamag-anak, kaibigan, at ka-lab team. At tulad nang sabi ko kanina, tao rin po kami. Kung anong pinagdadaanan nyo, pinagdadaanan din namin. Hinde kami perfect (close to perfect lang ahehehe) at hinde sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay okay kami. Dumaraan din kami sa pagsubok at kailangan din namin ng ibang taong dadamay sa'min (Commercial break: salamatations to Winkie and Lovely...mga anghel ng blogosphere).

Nameyn! Hinde po kami arbiter. Hinde po kami pwedeng basta makialam sa mga bagay-bagay at sitwasyon ng walang pahintulot. We do not give unsolicited help. We are, however, good listeners to those people who need someone to listen to them. pang-catharsis ba. Minsan yun lang naman ang kelangan natin para gumaan ang pakiramdam natin.

Last but not the least (commercial uli: ayon sa statistics, mga Filipino daw ang pinakamadalas gumamit ng expression na yan), hinde po kami basta-basta nag-aanalyze ng tao. May mga ginagamit po kaming tools of trade - psychological tests, interview, etc. Ang pag-iisip ng isang tao ang isa sa mga pinakamahirap i-predict (except yung mga basic instincts nya). Maaring ngayon e pula ang gusto nya, sa susunod e green naman. Pwedeng ngayon masaya sya sa pagiging mahirap, sa susunod ay kamumuhian na nya ito. Ito ay sa kadahilanang sumusunod ang pag-iisip ng tao sa mga internal and external forces na nararanasan nya.

So, para saan nagyon itong post na'to? Wala lang, nagre-review lang. Kelangan ko nang tapusin thesis ko e hehehehe. Ayaw nyo paniwalaan sinasabi ko sa taas? Tanungin nyo si Joycee na isa sa mga sponsors ko ng pa-premyo para sa aking kontes.(Oha! Okay ba sa segue?). Sya din po ay may sariling pa-kontes so if hobby nyo ang pangangarir ng kontes, daan lang kayo sa kanyang munting blog.

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When Boredom Strikes - Updated Version

Bad trip ako ngayong araw na'to. Umaatake ang pagka-selosa ko at hinde ko alam kung ano dapat kong gawin. Kaya naisipan kong i-boost (naks!) ang aking selp-kompidens sa pamamagitan ng pagtulog buong maghapon ng pakikinig sa aking dependable iPod na singtanda na ng aking non-existent lablayp!

So what's the top 10 songs playing on my iPod?

1. Love Sex Magic - ewan ko ba, basta Justin Timberlake, ang sexy nang dating ng kanta.
2. Insomnia by Craig David
3. Poker Face by Lady Gaga
4. Ang walang kamatayang No Mes Ames by J Lo and Marc Anthony
5. Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis
6. Teardrops On My Guitar (pang-sawi talaga! huhuhuhu! Nakakarelate ako 10000x)
7. Can't Help But Wait by Trey Songz
8. Fashionista
9. Because of You by Ne-Yo
10. I Am What I Am by Gloria Gaynor

The songs got my "creative" juices flowing so I mixed some video. Yung mga naghahanap ng video ni Dr. Hayden Kho at Katrina Halili, I've got something better. Eto na sya:

So was my selosa problem solved?

Nope :( (So wala palang saysay 'tong post na 'to except as a form of catharsis)

I think I just have to really come to terms with what I feel and accept the fact that the guy will never notice me. Hayy...I lost him even before I had the guts to tell him that I like him :(

Minsan mahirap sabihin ang nararamdaman. Parang walang right words. Kaya ini-Spanish ko na lang mwahahaahaha:

Hay épocas en tu vida en que usted piensa que usted ha encontrado el uno. Usted es feliz, tu corazón canta, todo parece más colorido. Entonces le fuerzan repentinamente de nuevo a realidad - él no tiene gusto de usted. Él tiene gusto del alguien diferente. Usted siente desgraciado, usted siente lastimara. El problema es que usted no puede decir eso a su cara. ¿Por qué? Porque usted no tiene a la derecha lastimarse. Usted era solamente un amigo, nada más, nada menos.

Era tu propia culpa que usted tiene lastimado, no su.

Sa nakakaintindi, tumahimik na lang. Alam kong may maling grammar dyan. Churi po....Lolo ko lang ang nagturo sa'kin (at mahirap talaga ang Spanish!)

PS (Pahabol na Salita):

Maraming, maraming salamat po kay Joycee ng Blissful Bobby-Soxer for sponsoring one of the prizes for my munting kowntes. Sa mga nais sumali, daan lang dito sa post na'to. may pa-kontes din po si Joycee, daan lang kayo sa blog nya. Also, don't forget to cast your vote for the Top 10 Most Influential Blogs of 2009 (in short, boto nyo 'ko at ang top 10 ko...payn! 9 na lang pala hahanapin nyo!). Salamat kay Mon for nominating me.

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Kontes! Kontes Kayo Dyan! - Super Updated

Oo na, makikigaya na ako sa uso. Hihiramin ko na rin ang idea ni Joycee at magpapacontest din ako para naman bonggang bongga ang birthday ko.

Bago ang lahat, sponsors muna. Kung sino man ang nais maging sponsor ng prizes, email nyo lang ako. Kapalit ng kabaitan nyo ay:

- blogroll link
- every post during the entire contest duration, mentioned ang link nyo

You can send/ sponsor:
- cash prize not less than $5
- books
- ad space
- thingamajigs
- date with Lio
(ayaw talaga kay Lio )

Awards and Prizes (interested sponsors, please email me)

Pala Award
- para sa pinakamaraming comment (comments lang ang kailangan pero dapat hinde double post)
Prize: $25 c/o moi + one-year domain name + 125x125 ad spot at http://www.chizmosalounge.com/ c/o Vhincent

Effort Kung Effort Award
- most creative way of making the post (commenters can vote for their favorite entry by posting "I'm voting you for Effort Kung Effort Award")
Prize: $20 c/o Joycee + one-year domain name + ad spot at http://www.bloggingpinay.com/ c/o Nika Catbagan + ad spot at http://www.sandokatpalayok.com/

The Researcher Award
- for the sleaziest post na may pinaka-nakakamanghang impormasyon tungkol sa akin. Yun tipong wala naman masyado nakakaalam pero na-ipost nya (kaya nga Researcher e)(commenters can vote for their favorite entry by posting "I'm voting you for The Researcher Award")
Prize: book c/o Joyce (I forgot the title hehehe) + ad spot at http://nikacatbagan.com/ c/o Nika Catbagan + ad spot at http://thingsiloveaboutme.com/ + Php 300 cellphone load (smart/ globe/ sun)

Tisyu Post Award
- sa pinakanakaka-touch na blog, tipong maiiyak ka
Prize: movie date sa Harry Potter 6 + dinner at Sbarro's + Php 100 cellphone load + one month link ad c/o Jerick Mack at http://www.rickspot.com

So what do you need to do?

Mechanics:
1. Entries maybe submitted from May 22, 2009 to July 20, 2009. Yup, extended na sya. Voting season is also from May 22, 2009 to July 20, 2009.

2. All you have to do is come up with a blog post containing your most unique way of describing me. It could be via an essay, a picture, a symbol, a poem, etc. Dali lang di ba? So, where can you get infos? Kayo na ang bahala. I can assure you, however, that I have a Facebook account, Friendster Account, Multiply Account, Twitter, Plurk, etc.

3. Once you have made the blog, post the link on the comment section below.

4. During voting season, I would be posting your links on my blog to get readers to your site. Commenters can vote your blog for any of the awards.

5. Only one blog per person. However, during the entire submission period, you can make any changes as often as you want.

Okay, maliwanag na ba ang lahat (medyo antok e)?

Ready, set, go!


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The Case of Hopelessness

The other day, my friend and I were talking about how Rico Yan and Marky Cielo died. It was what had inspired me to make this post (kelangan talagang ilagay ko pa e no?)

Suicide is something that very few people take seriously. I know because I once had office mates who laughed out aloud (as in!) when I told them that suicidal hints (parinig) should be taken seriously. Bakit sila natawa? Because their line of thinking was, bakit ka pa magpapaalam if magpapakamatay ka na? You know why I got incensed by that kind of thinking? Because one of them was a nurse and the other one was an ex-teacher.

If you know someone who has suicidal tendencies, read on:

1. Listen. If someone tells you that they would like to commit suicide, take them seriously. Keep in mind that suicide is a cry for help. Listen and try to understand what the person is saying.
2. Never, ever say to a suicidal person, "yun lang papakamatay ka na?". You are not in his or her shoes. You don't know what that person is going through right now. To you, his or her problem may sound petty but for him, it could mean the world.
3. Show your support, not for the suicide but for the person. Ang mga suicidal na tao ay naging ganon dahil feeling nila wala nang solution ang problema nila. Don't try to solve the problem for them either. Just show the person that you are not judging him or her, that you believe he/she still has the power to find a different solution. Be careful with the way you form your sentences. Suicidal people are very emotional at this point and may take your opinion the other way.
4. If that person is already on the verge of a suicide attempt, do not leave him/her alone. Remove any object that he/she might use to commit suicide.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, read on:

1. Having suicidal thoughts does not make you a bad person. Very few suicidal persons really want to die. Majority of them just feel that they have no other option left and that their problem is more than what they could handle.
2. Find someone who could listen to you without judging you - a very close friend, a relative or a counselor.
3. Be with people who have an upbeat personality. Surround yourself with people who are not depressed or problematic.
4. Go out in the sun. Some people experience a sense of relief when they are able to get enough sunlight.
5. Prayer, in whatever form, helps. Things happen for a reason.

Suicide Warning Signs

1. The probability of suicide usually coincides with the following:

• Death or terminal illness of relative or friend
• Divorce, separation, broken relationship, stress on family
• Loss of health (real or imaginary)
• Loss of job, home, money, status, self-esteem, personal security
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Depression. In the young depression may be masked by hyperactivity or acting out behavior. In the elderly it may be incorrectly attributed to the natural effects of aging
• Depression that seems to quickly disappear for no apparent reason is cause for concern
• The early stages of recovery from depression can be a high risk period. Recent studies have associated anxiety disorders with increased risk for attempted suicide.

2. People who have tried committing suicide before are most likely to do it again.

3. Suicidal people usually make their plans known to other people.

4. People who are suffering from a bout of depression are likely to commit suicide.

5. Suicidal people usually express feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. They usually feel worthless and are ashamed of themselves.

6. They usually show signs of decline in performance that could, later on, lead to isolation.

7. They usually give out ambiguous statements like "You don't have to worry about me anymore".

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Pretention

(Note: Lovely, this is it!)

I was cleaning my room the other day and came across this poem I have written years ago:

Please speak
Break down the walls
Cry with your heart
Let me know your soul
Stop the pretenses
I need the real you
Dissolve the air of madness
Sweat on your own
Do not wear the mask
Let me hold you in fault
Be the same man
Forever remain human
Let me reach out
Wipe away the gloom
Laugh without inhibition
Anger need not be hidden
Lay down in my arms
Tell me the truth
Please speak
Before I leave you

The last time I wrote a poem was years ago. I only do it when I feel a burning (burning talaga e noh?!) emotion about something. Well, usually that burning emotion is about love. Back then, blogging was something unheard of although chatting was already a way of life.

Now, I do not write poems as passionately as I used to. Probably because of my work load and probably because I haven't found a reason to. I, however, blog when I feel strongly about something.

Today, I actually feel strongly about something. Unfortunately, I do not have the right words for it. I do not know how to express it. I am afraid that if I did, the fantasy would end as abruptly as it had begun. So I'm doing this the hard way:







John Lloyd I love you!!!

nyahahahaha! 'kala mo seryoso na no?!



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This Is The Last Time

This is the last time I'm doing this for you.

This is the last time you would have power over me.

This is the last time I'd think about you.

This is the last time my world would revolve around you.

This is the last time I'd be your doormat.

This is the last time I would help you go through your sordid life.

This is the last time I would think about your future.

This is the last time...

Because I'm no longer going to put up with your endless dependency on me. I'm no longer going to put up with your using me. Don't tell me that you still care for me. That's bull shit! If you really love me, then you would stop caring about yourself so much and you would start to see how much you have been hurting me, how much I've been putting up with your damn excuses!

I'm letting myself fall in love with somebody else. I'm letting myself experience how it is to be special again, how it is to be a person and not be a slave to a conniving animal. And yes, there is somebody else. In case you haven't noticed, I am not ugly and someone better than you can fall in love with me. And even if he doesn't fall in love with me, at least he's someone who doesn't hide behind a mask and pretends to love me.

(Sorry, emo-mode at galit nang bonggang bongga)





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Top 10 Influential Blogs for 2009 - Updated

Yep, two posts in one...uhm...day?

I'm joining the bandwagon for the top 10 influential blogs for 2009. You can nominate blogs made between May 1, 2008 to present that you think had a great impact to you as a reader. This project is made possible by sponsors such as Absolute Traders, My Brute Cheats and Business Summaries.

Here's how you can nominate blogs:

Who can join?

• Any blogger in the world. Only one entry per blogger.
• Blog or website owner profile and e-mail is accessible or visible online.To join this effort, you need to write a blog post and pick your choice of ten (10) emerging influential blogs.
• Any blog in the world can be picked.
• You can update the same post entry up to August 2 (date may be extended). However, please inform us of any changes.
• Old blogs who move to a new domain are disqualified
• Blogs who remove their archives just to fit in the cut-off date are disqualified.
• Include a link to this post to help spread the word and encourage others to participate.

Here's where you can find more details.

Here's my top 10:

1. Deejay of Good Times Manila
2. Lio Loco of Breathing the SSDD Mantra
3. Mon of Monz Avenue
4. Lovely
5. Ax of AxRealm
6. Silver of Dare To Speak Out
7. Joyce of Blissful Bobby-Soxer
8. Boom of Pen Strokes
9. John of Steaming Open Cup
10. Gem of The Single Parent Talks

Note: Nominees please make sure your archives, profile and e-mail addresses are accessible or visible online.

If you're having a hard time coming up with the ten, sama nyo 'ko sa listahan (ahehehehe) kasi nominated din ako (thanks Mon!)

Okay, back to Angels & Demons.

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Of Angels and Demons And Those Never-Ending Lists

(Note: Sorry, Lovely. I know I promised you a different post but I have this strong urge to do this first).

I have just finished watching Angels & Demons a few hours ago. It was what I expected it to be - an inaccurate portrayal of the book. Well, I have yet to see a film that gives an almost exact rendition of the book. Such was also the case in the Harry Potter movies that I have seen. The inaccuracy can be forgiven, however, if the film makers used the same climax as the one in the book. Unfortunately, this was not the case in most HP movies (Yup, I really hate Prisoner of Azkaban movie) and even in Angels & Demons. I have to day, however, that I had a great time. I'm not just sure if it was because I was with my sister or because it had been a long time since I had been in a cinema or because the movie was really good.

Was the movie bad? I'd leave that up to you since a friend requested (in a harsh way!) me not to write a review until he, too, has seen the movie and has read the book. Being a call center whore, I don't think he'd be able to do both anytime soon (nyahahahaha!)

So what's the post all about? Before my sister and I went to see the movie, we had splurged on some food and some massages which gave me an idea on what to post here - my most money-splurging moments! So these are the things that I usually don't scrimp on: (this was supposed to longer but blogger seems to not like it and pubslihed only up to "scrimp on" so I had to re-type the list)

1. Food - Even my mom can't understand where I put everything that I eat. Blame it to my over-efficient metabolism! I usually hang out at McDo, Wendy's, Yellow Cab, Charlie Brown, Dencio's, Gilligan's, Rai Rai Ken, Italianni's, Six Sex Four (if you know this one, I'd bet you're from PLM or Mapua), Tokyo Tokyo, Aimis, Happy Burger, Chowking, Hap Chan, David's Tea House, Ma Mon Luk, Ramon Lee, The Old Spaghetti House, Spaghetti Factory, Ilonggo Grill, Teriyaki Boy, Sbarro's and anywhere where they serve rice :)
2. Books - I've got tons of them that we already have 3 bookshelves (not counting those that we have already sold)
3. Gadgets - me likes shiny objects :) (Must....not....buy.....blue h1 netbook)
4. Massages

Yep, I really did not post anything about clothes or shoes. I leave that up to Natasha, Avon and Boardwalk hehehehe


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Top 10 Nakakairitang Moments

Wala lang, bad trip lang ako ngayon. May mga bagay-bagay kasi akong hinde maintindihan, hinde maamin at hinde matanggap kaya naisipan kong gumawa nito. Well, bukod sa natuwa kasi ako sa post ni Lovely. Anu-ano nga ba ang kinaiinisan ko?

1. Textmate/ Phone Pal/ Chat mate - yung phone ko at yung cel ko ay for business purposes only. Wa ako care if nasa kalagitnaan ka ng south china sea at walang makausap bukod sa mga singkit na pating. Hinde rin ako mahilig sumagot sa mga tawag nang mga hinde ko kilalang tao. Mapupudpod lang ang daliri mo sa kaka-dial. Magpakilala ka muna through text tsaka ko pag-iisipan if karapat-dapat ka bang sagutin.
2. People who walk slowly. Nameyn! Lalo na kung wala ka naman sa Luneta o sa kung saan pa mang pasyalan. If you can't walk fast, at least have the decency to move aside and let other people pass. Hinde mo pag-aari ang buong sidewalk. (on second thought, hinde kaya taga-Wow, Mali! yung mga 'yon?)
3. Mga kontratista for the sake na maka-kontra. Ruling ko sa mga subordinates ko - if you are not for my idea, then try to come up with a better or another solution. Otherwise, shut up.
4. Mga taong kung makatawag ng waiter e akala mo sila may-ari ng restaurant. Don't snap your fingers at wag kang sumitsit. If may reklamo ka, there's always a civil way of making it known.
5. Eto para sa mga managers. Please, reprimand in private, praise in public! Wag mong ipahiya ang staff mo kasi mahirap pag yan ang gumanti.
6. Magulong restaurants - nameyn! wag na kayong magbigay ng choices na hinde naman pala available. Nakakairita kaya yung naka-set na yung utak mo sa isang food, biglang sasabihin sa'yo, "ay ma'am wala na po pala."
7. Mga taong pinagpipilitang basahin ko ang, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". Nameyn! Did you even read the book? Do you know me enough to lecture me about the disadvantages of dating?! If you answer "yes", to the last question then you do not know me at all. I.don't.date. I'm not the type of person who would go out with the first guy that asks me out. The peple I go out with are usually my friends, people who have known me for a long time.
8. Uber nagpapanggap na matalino. Nameyn! Don't try to impress me by explaing the theory of relativity or why a boomerang goes back or what the Brownian movement is all about. Do your research first kasi laitera ako pag nagkamali ka nang explain. If you know me, you'll know why.
9. (ang hirap bumuo ng sampu when your brain is half-asleep) Mga sinungaling. Never lie to me because I have ways of finding out. You don't believe me? Ask my ex.
10. Two-faced uber moochers. Need I say more? (Note to two-faced uber mooching so-called friends: wala akong pinakitang masama sanyo. Naging totoo ako sanyo. Digital ang karma).

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This Is Me

After being awake for 24 hours, I realized one thing - I could be weird sometimes (or this could also be the effect of staying wide awake). Nope, I'm not on drugs. I just had to finish some work and before I knew it, it was already 11:00 am plus the neck is still hurting :(

So, as a form of break from all this paper work, I decided to list things about myself:

1. I enjoy the smell of gasoline, burning leaves and wood, those spices that Arab women use for their "luban", Safeguard regular, rain and my ex's cologne (anuber?! ex na naman?!)
2. I hate answering the phone. I'm not a phone-person, if ever there's such. I would rather we communicate through email or chat or text. If you try calling me and you are not my father, my mother, my sister, my brother or my ex, chances are I won't answer your call.
3. When it comes to love, I am the hope-against-hope type. I do not let go easily even if he has two-timed me :( Good because I have given the person a chance to redeem himself, bad because it makes him more maangas and would two-time me again.
4. I still believe in fairy tales and happy endings. I cry easily when I read about how couples met, proposal stories, etc. which is also why I don't attend weddings. Weddings make me cry.
5. I'm a late bloomer when it comes to PC games. I still have to master Diablo II (and 'm eagerly waiting for Diablo III).
6. I have more male friends than female friends. I don't know why. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I hate people who are maarte.
7. Contrary to the handle I use in GTM, I am more of a cowboy than a kikay. I think the years of having mostly male friends have something to do with it. I wear whatever I want not because it's the fad but because I feel comfortable wearing it. I do not make "pakipot" when I eat. I can finish 5 to 7 cups of rice when stressed out. I normally eat 2 cups of rice per meal. It's a good thing I have a very fast metabolic rate although adding on a few pounds wouldn't hurt either. Unfortunately, I don't know how to cook. My "expertise" is limited to Lucky Me Pancit Canton (uy, commercial!), cup noodles, ginisang sardinas, ginisang Hakone mackerel, sinigang na baboy, fried eggs and hotdog.
8. I love to eat pasta, sinigang na baboy, sinigang na hipon, ginisang sardinas, noodles with egg, hotdog and sea food. Because of my never-ending search for good food, I know where to find most of the good eateries and restaurants in Metro Manila.
9. I only watch TV for 5 reasons - CSI (all three), TV Patrol, Ben 10, House and HBO. I only watch movies if it's suspense-thriller, horror (really gory ones), comedy-action, has John Lloyd in it (Lio, bawal kumontra!). Aside from psych text books, I read books whose author is any of the following- Agatha Christie, Christopher Pike and RL Stine. I also read books that are about mysteries and murder (katakot noh?!) and, of course, Harry Potter.
10. I had suitors before who thought na they could sweep me off my feet with their pricey gifts and bling bling. Of course, mali sila. Although hinde halata, I am actually an easy-to-please person. Simple things can make me happy.

Side note:

I really need to forget my ex. I cannot be the Department of Labor anymore. Unfortunately, like what I said, I'm not good at letting go. So, nanawagan po ako sa mga nabuburyong sa kani-kanilang tahanan (mga friends ko lang), GALA TAYO! Samahan nyo akong magreklamo tungkol sa buhay-buhay.

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Sa Kanya: Back To Emo Mode

(There must be something in the rain that makes most people post sad blogs)

Mahal ko, ito ay para sa'yo. Eto ang mga salitang alam kong kahit kailan ay hinde ko masasabi nang harapan sa'yo. Eto ang mga katagang alam kong hinde mo na maririnig, marinig man, ay hinde mo na binibigyang halaga.

Mahal pa rin kita, sa kabila nang hinde mo pagpansin, sa kabila nang ilang beses mong pagsisinungaling, sa kabila nang kawalan mo nang tiwala sa akin.

Lahat kaya kong gawin masiguro ko lamang na magiging masaya ka, kahit pa hinde na ako magiging bahagi nang kasayahan na'yon.

Isa lang naman ang hinihiling ko, tingnan mo ako sa mata at sabihin mo sa'kin na hinde mo na ako mahal. Yun lang at tatahimik na ako. Hinde na kita kukulitin, hinde na ako magpaparamdam.

In short:

Leche ka, hinde ka gwapo kaya wag kang magmaganda noh?! Feeling mo! Anong akala mo sa'kin, Department of Labor?! Che!



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Shut up or Stand Up?

One of the Yahoo Groups that I belong to is currently right smack in the middle of a storm, ergo, this post.

I was never an active part of that group, not because I find the group not worth my time but because, since it is a professional group, I feel I should share my thoughts only if I am 100% sure that what I have to share is correct. Unfortunately, some members of the group went overboard and started harassing (in my opinion) some of the forum members. It was quite sad because newer members of the forum felt that there is some hostility in the forum and that you cannot just outright express what you feel. So I've decided to write down some things that a newbie should keep in mind when it's their first time to work:

1. Observe people first before expressing what you feel. Shooting from the hip is never a good thing especially if you are new. People would see you as impulsive and some of them might not be forgiving.
2. Office Romance is never a good thing ESPECIALLY if you are in HR. Been there, done that. People would use that against you and no matter what you do, people would see it as a biased move.
3. Research, research, research. Do not face your boss ill-prepared especially when you are presenting reports. Make sure every figure in your report, every sentence has a justification. Do not just say "survey says". Quote the source.
4. Ask. If you do not know what to do, it is better to ask your boss than try to work on things you know nothing about. Ask your boss first before anybody else. It is disrespectful to skip your boss.
5. If it concerns work, your boss should know about it. That way, no matter what happens, your boss can cover for you.
6. If you're not happy with what you're doing, leave. This might not be the best thing to do but you would cause more damage if you continue working on something half-heartedly. Forget pride, forget revenge. If you are not happy with your office mates, with your salary, with your boss, with your company's culture, and you are sure that you cannot do anything about it, leave.
7. Do not stagnate. Look for trainings that you can attend, read a book, browse web sites,join groups or fora.
8. If you are in HR, the lesser you disclose about your emotions, the lesser chances of employees using that against you. Mingle with them, emphatize with them, get to know how they feel BUT keep your professional distance.
9. Give credence to the wisdom of old age without sacrificing your creativity.
10. Do not burn bridges. The butt that you kick today might be the same butt that you would need to kiss tomorrow.
    
    

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Kelan ka ikakasal?

(Note: Aba, effective pala ang pag ba-blog hop at pag tatagalog...mas ganado akong magsulat ng blog)

Everytime magkikita-kita kami nang mga long-lost relatives ko or friends, isa lang palagi ang kanilang tanong - "May asawa ka na? Kelan ka ikakasal?" Okay payn! Dalawa yung tanong.

Yan ang hinde mamatay-matay na tanong sa'kin ng mga kamag-anak namin. May slight variation pag dating sa mga magulang ko. Deretso aga sila sa "Anak, kelan ka mag-aasawa?". Oftentimes, gusto ko silang sagutin nang, "Pag hinde na kayo nagtatanong" kaso syempre mabuti akong anak so shut up na lang ako with matching Karylle smile. Pano mo nga ba sasagutin ang ganyang katanungan?

Multiple Choice:

1. Mabait na anak - "Gusto ko kasi kayong alagaan hanggang pag tanda nyo"
2. Mas mabait na anak - "Inilalaan ko sa Panginoon ang aking buhay" <--- hinde bagay sa'kin at baka kumulog, kumidlat at magunaw ang mundo
3. Mataas ang standard - "Hinde ko pa nakikita yung lalakeng magpapatibok ng puso ko"
4. Mas mataas ang standard - "Hinde pa kasi nanliligaw si John Lloyd e" <---Lio, saka-skaling mapadaan ka dito, blog ko 'to, bawal laiitin si John Lloyd!
5. Angst-ridden na anak - "E pare-pareho lang naman yang mga lalake. Lahat manloloko. Bakit naman ako papasok sa isang sakit ng ulo?"
6. Mas angst-ridden na anak - "Ah, pakshet!"

Sabi nang isa kong kaibigan, pwede ko rin daw isagot (hinde sa mga magulang ko ha!) - "Pag tinawag na kayo ni Lord!" Morbid but I lurve it...kulit naman kasi nung iba e. E sa wala akong time para sa ganyang mga bagay e. Besides, tama yung #5, sakit sa ulo lang yan. Mamahalin tapos eto namang si lalake e makakakita nang mas malaking boobs, patay na! Men are visual creatures. They easily get turned on by what they see. Unfortunately, I don't have the physical assets to "tease" them. Sure akong hinde ako panget kaso, ang pattern ng buhay ko, I usually lose the guy to some bimbo who throws expletives na para bang humihinga lang, to bimbos who do not have anything between their ears. Well, sa isang banda, at least alam kong hinde pahusband-material yung guy. On the other hand, ano beh?! E 90% ng lalake get turned on by big boobs. The remaining 10% get turned on by 6-pack abs (ay, bading!). Minsan nahahawa na ako sa parents ko e. Napapaisip din ako, "syet! malapit na ako mawala sa kalendaryo!"

The truth is, at this point in my life, I am no longer looking at casual relationships. Yun nga lang, at this point in my life, I'm too damn busy to ever go out and meet people. Nyemers!

So what do I do?

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Home-based Ranter

I used to work for large companies. I even once worked for a call center. So the current set-up that I have is really something new to me and is, at times, stressful. Why? I am now a home-based worker.

Being a home-based worker can be fun...well, it could be fun in the beginning but when you've got no one to talk to or share your lunch with or hang out with after work, it sucks...big time! I hold my own time which could oftentimes mean that I'd be working until 4:00 am because procrastination got the better of me. I can eat whenever I want to and sleep whenever I feel the need to which means I already have the "puson" of a beer drinker (eeewwwww!!!!). I can play my mo3s as loud as I want to without someone shooting me down. I can watch the TV while I work. Unfortunately, this also means higher bills and a few more "maya ko na tapusin 'to" which leads to "ay syet! ngayon pala kelangan 'to!".

I can go out whenever I want to. Yun nga lang, I have to do it on my own. I can't have my friends be with me because they have to work. Ayan tuloy, hinde ko napanood ang Wolverine :(.

Getting a credit card or a loan is another thing. Anakngkangkungkernitz! Ano ang ipapakita kong certificate of employment? At san ako kukuha ng matinong ITR? On the other hand, it could be a blessing in disguise. At least i won't be tempted to buy tha Blue H1 notebook or that Palm Pre that I'm so drooling about ever since one of my writers posted it in FB.

But, at the end of the day, i would still choose to be a home-based worker. At least no one breathes down my neck, nobody spreads chismis about me, nobody pretends to be my friend para lang ilibre ko sila ng food and I don't miss any CSI episode....yung huli ang pinakaimportante e :)



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Like A Virgin...

Anaknamanngsampungkalabawnaibaibaangama!

Sa dinami-dami naman ng pwedeng mangyari sa'kin ngayon, sa ganda kong ito (blog ko 'to, bawal kumontra!), ngayon pa ako nasapak.

Oo, tama ang basa mo...nasapak ako....ouch! Now I know how Hatton feels :( My neck is effing aching and the area near my ear is damn red. How did it happen? I was sashaying (naks!) down the escalator near our place (dami nyan sa Las Piñas), when suddenly this guy asks for five pesos. Hinde ko pinansin kasi sanay na ako sa mga batang humihingi ng piso. Pag di mo sila pinansin, lalayo, lipat sa susunod na pwedeng hingan. Aba, nagalit! Sabi nya, "ayaw mo akong pansinin ha?" sabay suntok! I had two grocery bags with me plus my bag so punching him back or kicking him in the groin won't work. What I did was shout to the top of my lungs "Tarantado ka! Hinde naman kita kilala bigla mo akong susuntukin!" which, fortunately, got the attention of some bystanders as well as the escalator maintenance guy. The would-be mugger then said, "Sisigaw ka? Gusto mong pataying kita?" Of course I did not shut up. I know he doesn't have any weapon with him so I started shouting again. This time, the escalator maintenance guy went after him and tried beating him with a 2x2. Unfortunately, he was able to run away.

Hayyy....masakit nga ang first time :(



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All Men Are Equal

Yup....another rant post....

Na-wrong send na naman (pang-10th na'to) ang ex ko...Minsan gusto ko syang batukan. Hinde ko alam if nananadya sya or what.

Side story: Naalala ko bigla yung classmate ko nung college. Sabi ko, "More or less, kumpleto na case study natin ano?" Sagot nya, "More". Nag-tumbling ang lola mo.

Back to the story:
Ayun nga, with matching "tawagan mo ako bukas ha?" Grrrrr....(sa mga hinde nakakaunawa, bisitahin ito ng maintindihan bakit ako galit). Of course, I'm pretty sure the text was not meant for me. Bakit kamo? Kasi mas nanaisin pa nyang mamatay ang kuko nya sa paa kesa i-text ako.

(background: Michael Buble's That's All)

October 10, 2009 - hay...that's just a few months from now. The great What Might Have Been :(
He backed out and broke off the engagement because he felt that he needs to help his parents first, that he needs to grow first. I agree. Kelangan nya talagang maging tao mature. (Well, maybe I also need to be less...sandali, e ayaw ko ibahin sarili ko no!) The hardest part, after all these months, is learning that he has another gf. Well, tinanong ko sya, tinaggi nya. But then, maraming beses na sya nagsinungaling para maniwala pa ako.

The problem: mahal ko pa rin sya :(

Dr. Love nasan ka ba kasi?


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Ang Drama Nang Buhay Ko

Warning: This is Taglish ranting at its best hehehe (inspired by Maldito, Neil and Lio Loco of Good Times Manila)

At this point in time, I SHOULD be happy. Why? I have my own business, I work at home, I don't have to worry much about my finances.

But, I'm not...

Maraming nagsasabi sa'kin na, happiness is a mindset. I once believed that you hold your happiness, that you should not let other people dictate what could make you happy. Kaso, iba pala pag dating sa kaibigan at pag-ibig.

I have many friends but few close friends. I always have this wall when it comes to trusting other people simply because I know I could get hurt. Unfortunately, may mga times na you would meet people na akala mo kaibigan mo, akala mo close kayo, akala mo nagke-care talaga pero hinde pala. Sobrang masakit pala pag sarili mong bestfriend e tinalikuran ka.

You might be thinking na siguro may nagawa akong mali that's why this bestfriend turned his (oo, lalake sya!) back on me. Honestly, if I have ever wronged him, I was not aware. Siguro, hinde naman masamang mainis sa kaibigan at magtampo if sabihan ka nya nang, "Sasamahan lang kita if kasama si (name ng girl)"? Pucha! Ano ko, chaperone? At siguro naman hinde masamang magtampo pag sinabihan ka nga kaibigan mo na nakikisama lang sya sa mga kaaway mo kasi kawawa sya pag hinde nakisama, na mas nanaisin pa nyang hinde kayo mag-usap ng 10 months kesa mapaginitan ng mga kinaiinisan mo. Hay!

At ala ring kwenta ang buhay pag-ibig ko! Nameyn! Someone courts you and you fall in love with him only to find out that he already has a girlfriend! And you know what the funny part is, hanggang ngayon mahal ko pa rin sya kaso 'tong mga tinamaan ng talakang kaibigan nya including my supposedly bestfriend e kung ano-ano ang pinagsasabi sa kanya!

And it makes me sad. I know I should just forget him kaso ang hirap pala pag mahal mo talaga ang isang tao. Sa mga nakikita kong ginagawa nya ngayon, naiisip ko, sana binigyan na lang ako ng boobs, kahit walang brains. O kaya hinde na lang ako nakatapos ng bonggang bongga. Baka if ganun ako, matutunan nya akong mahalin at hinde ipagpalit sa isang taong tindahan lang!

Hay, mahirap maging maganda at matalino.

(My blog, my rant! Bow!)


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